Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
This passage of scripture is said at almost every wedding, and perhaps is the most known passage as it relates to love. It gives us a great description of what love is, and isn’t. Everyone wants to love, and be loved, but what does that look like? What, exactly, is love?
Let’s break it down
Love … The Greeks had more than one word for love. For example, “eros” (romantic love), “storge” (familial affection), and “philia” (friendship or brotherly love). Agapē love, which is the word used in this passage of scripture, is a love that is selfless, sacrificial, and unconditional (I want to expand on the word unconditional at the end of this post). Agapē became a way to express a love that was more than just a feeling, but an active way of treating others.
is patient … Longsuffering. Or, Long-Tempered. Patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others. The ability to endure provocation without retaliation, to have a long fuse, to be slow to anger. To wait as long as it takes.
love is kind … To act benevolently. In other words, to do something strictly for the benefit of the other person, not yourself.
It does not envy … Love does not envy, covet or have jealousy over what others have. Love celebrates and rejoices in the blessings of others.
it does not boast … Love does not boast or brag about itself, it does not seek to self promote. Love doesn’t show off or make itself the center of attention.
it is not proud … Being arrogant or boastful. Love isn’t about self-promotion. Love values others, treats them with respect, and doesn’t boast about personal achievements. Love is humble (recognizing that you are not superior to others) and places others’ needs above one’s own.
It does not dishonor others … Love behaves respectfully and considerately of others.
it is not self-seeking … Love is not selfish or focused on one’s own interests. Instead, it prioritizes the needs, wellbeing, and interests of others. Love serves others selflessly rather than looking to fulfill its own desires or needs. It doesn’t insist on or demand its own way. It does not control.
it is not easily angered … Love is not provoked, and does not provoke others.
it keeps no record of wrongs … Love doesn’t keep a record or list of offenses committed against it. It doesn’t hold onto resentment, hold grudges, or bring up past mistakes to use as ammunition in arguments. It does not manipulate. Love forgives, not holding past wrongs against someone, and not allowing past hurts to influence the present relationship.
Love does not delight in evil … Love does not take pleasure or find joy in wrongdoing, injustice, harmful actions, or celebrate the things that oppose God’s word.
but rejoices with the truth … Rejoices, celebrates, what God says is true. Love is aligned with truth (God’s Word), righteousness, and goodness.
It always protects … Cover, preserve, bear all things. Love safeguards others, covers their faults, and preserves their dignity. Love doesn’t gossip or expose others’ weaknesses but instead seeks to cover and protect them. This does not mean ignoring wrongdoing or enabling harmful behavior, but it speaks to a spirit of empathy, understanding, and discretion in dealing with others’ faults and failings. It’s a love that stands up for and defends those we love.
always trusts (believes) … To have faith in people. Love is willing to trust, gives the benefit of the doubt, and is not cynical or suspicious. This aspect of love is ready to believe in the best about people (within reason), and trust in their potential for growth and change. It implies a trust in God’s wisdom and sovereignty, even when people or circumstances are disappointing or difficult.
always hopes … It’s a hopeful resilience that can endure disappointments without becoming bitter or disillusioned.
always perseveres (endures) … To remain. To abide. Love does not run away. Love is consistent, maintains its commitments, despite difficulties, trials, or setbacks. Love refuses to give up on people or situations.
Love never fails … Love is resilient and persistent and is eternal – it stands firm, it doesn’t falter or fail, but remains constant and unchanging, never becomes obsolete, or never comes to an end.
Circling back to the definition of Agapē love. One of the defining characteristics of that word is unconditional. I will choose to love you in these ways (1 Corinthians 13:4-8), without condition. You don’t have to perform in order for me to love you. But unconditional does not mean endorsing, affirming or accepting behavior that is sinful or harmful (love does not delight in evil). Paul often corrected and admonished the early churches when they strayed into sinful behaviors. In Ephesians 4:15, Paul encourages believers to “speak the truth in love,” suggesting that love does not avoid hard truths. Agapē love includes a desire for the spiritual wellbeing of others.
Scripture says that God is love (1 John 4:16). Meaning, all the characteristics listed above fundamentally reflect who God is. This definition of love serves as our benchmark. As people, we often fall short and struggle to love as God does. However, this is the essence of His character, indicating how He feels about us and how He nurtures our relationship with Him.